so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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