My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
