the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
