ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
