bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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