I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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