I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
