I just gift wrapped bread.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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