I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
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I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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