just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
