Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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