You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
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Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
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So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
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