..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Randomize
