i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
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