I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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