You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
