from now on my penis is your penis
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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