I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
