Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
thus making me awesome and them whores
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
