I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
