You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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