I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
