i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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