I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
