I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
