fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
He has the fingertips of a God
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
