Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
