youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize