guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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