Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
false alarm. still invincible.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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