u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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