hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
