i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
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The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
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We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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