Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize