Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
