she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
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He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
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Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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