Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize