Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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