It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
