Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
So apparently I’m into choking now
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
