Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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