So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
