I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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