so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
