We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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