It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
