so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize