please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
