I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I think people are normalizing furries
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
