I want to walk on stilts...naked
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
