I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
