i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
