I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I can't put those talents on a resume
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
