He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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