i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
