Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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