apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
