My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
