He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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