I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
