shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
