Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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