Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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