You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
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