Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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