I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
