So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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