She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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