Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
