My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i came on her dog
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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