Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
