New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize