my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
