Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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